


against warm sheets

by thisissirius



Series: the trees of vermont [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bottom Eddie, Endearments, First Time, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Vermont, and everywhere, are used, because it's the only valid way, in vermont
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:34:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24968281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: “I wrote a book,” Eddie says, staring at himself in the mirror. “I can do this.”The book is the point after all; it’s helped make it easier to talk about his emotions and feelings and it has been easier. Not that it’s prepared him to talk about sex.Or the lack of it.“You’re an idiot,” he tells himself.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: the trees of vermont [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790356
Comments: 9
Kudos: 235





	against warm sheets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elisela](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisela/gifts).



> this should have been for between the sheets for eddie week, but life got in the way. 
> 
> it has arrived and will probably not live up to expectations but OOPS lol
> 
> for eli, as always.

“I wrote a book,” Eddie says, staring at himself in the mirror. “I can do this.”

The book is the point after all; it’s helped make it easier to talk about his emotions and feelings and it has been easier. Not that it’s prepared him to talk about _sex_. 

Or the lack of it. 

“You’re an idiot,” he tells himself. 

It’s not that Buck doesn’t want it; there’s always a point just after they’ve been making out when Buck’s hips will hitch forward, a little noise in the back of his throat and Eddie thinks _now._ But. Then he’ll pull away, the moment broken. Maybe he’s being respectful. Maybe he’s not ready. 

Eddie just needs to ask. 

“Okay,” he says, walking back into the bedroom. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Buck’s tossing his shirt in the hamper, and raises his eyebrow. “Okay?”

“Do you want to fuck me?”

Buck makes a choking noise and goes red. He stares at Eddie, eyes wide and mouth open, and Eddie can’t help but smile. “What?”

“Fuck me,” Eddie says again, the words easier the second time. “Do you want to?”

“Eddie,” Buck starts, then stares down at his hands. He frowns, and Eddie moves to sit next to him, reaching over to take his hand and tangle their fingers together. 

“It’s okay if you don’t,” Eddie tells him. “It’s getting so bad up here,” he says, gesturing at his head, “that I’m considering writing another book about it.”

Buck snorts. “You know mentioning you writing is gonna do the opposite of your intentions, right?”

Laughing gently, Eddie buries his face in Buck’s shoulder, still embarrassed at Buck’s easy praise. “Shut up.”

Buck’s hands slide up his back, one of them on the back of his head, scratching lightly.. He’s laughing, Eddie can feel his shoulder shaking, but he ghosts a kiss over Eddie’s head. 

“So,” Eddie says, pulling back a little. “What do you think?”

Buck stares at him, something in his expression that Eddie can't parse. “How long has it been?”

“Since Shannon,” Eddie says, because his own brand of therapy is _working_. “Buck, I’ve never been with a guy before.”

Buck nods, and Eddie wonders if he’s thought about it, if he’s considered whether Eddie might, or might not. “We can take it slow.”

Eddie feels frustration well in his chest. “I don’t want to take it slow,” he says. He leans in, kisses Buck gently. Buck reciprocates, deepens the kiss and then brushes his thumb over Eddie’s lips. “I just—want you.” 

“I know.” Buck strokes at Eddie’s cheek, his jaw. “It doesn’t have to be now, Eddie. It’s not something you have to rush to prove—”

“You know me better than that,” Eddie says gently. “It’s not because I want to prove anything. Every time you pull away, I just want to keep going, for you to touch me.”

Buck raises his eyebrows. “Touch you how?” His fingers move to the hem of Eddie’s shirt and slide up under it to hold Eddie’s hips. “Like this?”

“However you want,” Eddie says, the light touches sending a shiver up his spine. “Buck.”

Buck doesn’t say anything for a moment. His fingertips tickle Eddie's stomach, his abs, then slide over the nub of his nipple. Eddie groans, head dropping forward to Buck’s shoulder. "You want it?”

“You know I do,” Eddie says, and curls a hand around Buck’s neck. “Wait.”

“Okay,” Buck says, kissing Eddie’s cheek gently. He moves his hands back to Eddie’s hips, gentle in his touches, and waits for Eddie.

They’ve talked about it before. Eddie knows Buck’s history, how he ended up in Vermont. Eddie’s scared that maybe he doesn’t measure up to any of those people; that he won’t be what Buck’s looking for in a sexual partner. Maybe his inexperience is putting Buck off. 

“Not for the reason you think,” Buck says quietly, when Eddie asks. Or rather blurts out something ridiculous that Buck manages to translate. “Eddie, sex is never something meaningful for me. I wanted something solid with you before I had the chance to ruin it.”

“I don’t think you could,” Eddie says honestly. “I think we’ll both mess up, but the way I feel about you? How much I love you? That’s not something you can mess up, Buck.”

Buck touches him again, cupping Eddie’s face, staring at him. It’s not uncomfortable; Eddie loves Buck’s eyes, the fondness and love staring back at him. It’s almost too much. “I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

Eddie doesn’t doubt it. “Are we doing—”

“As much as you want today, even if it’s just kissing,” Buck promises. He always takes such care of Eddie. It’s not something Eddie’s ever had before and he’s still not sure if he resents it, craves it, or is uncomfortable by it. Perhaps all three. He reasons that he’s not used to it, and it’s grown into want, the need to reciprocate. 

Bobby says once, “you’re a team, you and Buck. You watch out for each other, but respect the boundaries that come with your own ability to protect yourself.”

Eddie’s thinking about writing that into his next book. A lot of the advice that Bobby gives resonates with Eddie in some way. Not that he wants to think about Bobby right now.

“I want all of it,” Eddie says, because he wants all of Buck, all of the time. “As long as you’re sure? You want it?”

“I want it.” There’s a heat in Buck’s eyes that wasn’t there before. He taps Eddie’s hip. “Stand,” he says.

The commanding tone sends a shiver up Eddie’s spine and he’s pushing to his feet before he’s really thought about doing it. Oh. Eddie’s no stranger to using his hand; he’s been well acquainted with jerking off over the years, especially during and since Afghanistan, but it’s always been a means to an end. He can’t remember the last time he really felt something. Not like this; Buck’s eyes, the curve of his mouth, the tone of his voice when he says, “Shirt off.”

“You too?” Eddie asks, eyebrow raised. 

“Eventually,” Buck promises. “This is all about you, first.”

Eddie pulls his shirt over his head. He’s not shy about his body. He knows he’s attractive by some people’s standards, but he’s never really seen it. He works out because he wants to, because it’s a part of the Army he can’t let go of, but when he stares in the mirror, he doesn’t like to think about what he sees. A guy with baggage. Too many shadows. 

The way Buck’s staring at him though. It’s intoxicating. The burn of his eyes, the smile that curves onto his lips, even more so when he tugs Eddie forward by the belt loop. His free hand slides up Eddie’s stomach, over his abs, thumb returning to Eddie’s nipple and rubbing gently, small circles with the pad of his finger. 

Pleasure hits like a bolt up his spine; he grunts, his hips hitching forward and he rests his hands on Buck’s shoulders. It’s the first time he’s had someone touch him in—so, so long. He doesn’t even remember who it was. “Buck.”

“You’re okay,” Buck whispers, leaning in. His lips brush Eddie’s stomach and it’s almost ticklish, definitely erotic in a way Eddie’s not expecting. His jeans are tight where he’s starting to get hard and the fact that Buck’s mouth is so close—

When he’s thought about this moment, the act of being with a guy, there’s always been a touch of fear, but he’s never accounted for the fact that it’s _Buck_. Buck, who he’s loved from the moment he introduced himself to Chris and let him talk incessantly about Buck’s work. Buck, who stayed away longer than he wanted to because Eddie asked. Buck, who cares and loves for Eddie in a way that nobody ever has. 

It doesn’t make Eddie uncomfortable because how could he ever be with Buck?

“Please,” Eddie says, even though he doesn’t know what he’s asking for. 

Buck doesn’t say anything, he just drops his hands to Eddie’s hips, looks up at Eddie through his eyelashes. Eddie puts a hand on Buck’s head, fingers digging into the soft curls. He loves Buck’s hair, loves the way Buck looks at him, loves everything about Buck. He swallows as Buck’s fingers deftly unbutton Eddie’s jeans. He’s done this so many times before, Eddie knows, and it’s hard not to think about that. 

Is Eddie even going to matter on the scale?

The thought is gone as soon as it comes, and Eddie feels flush with guilt. He knows he matters to Buck; his nervousness is making him uncertain and that’s what he doesn’t like. He hesitates. “On the bed?”

Buck watches him carefully for a moment and then pulls him forward, awkwardly shuffling them both until Eddie is on his knees either side of Buck’s hips. It’s an awkward straddle, but Buck leans in, has better access to his nipple, and Eddie wraps his arms around Buck’s shoulders, face pressed into Buck’s hair. Buck’s tongue is—Eddie doesn’t know what to call the texture. Is there even a word for it? Whatever it is, it’s driving him crazy. Nobody’s ever paid attention to his nipples. Why would they? His sex life with Shannon had been quick and dirty, and he spent most of his time trying to pleasure her. He doesn’t even think his one night stands have had _this._

“Buck,” he grits out. “I can’t—”

Another lap of Buck’s tongue, a graze of his teeth against the hardened nub, and Eddie’s hips jerk forward, cock painfully tight in his jeans. Buck’s hands slide against his ass, holding him in place and Eddie grunts, buries his face in Buck’s hair. It’s a lot. His body is tingling, and he pushes back, leans down to bite at Buck’s mouth, pull him into a kiss. 

“Don’t tease me,” Eddie begs. 

Buck’s smile quirks up. “No?”

Eddie blinks, not sure what to make of his tone, startled when Buck stands, turning them around and dropping Eddie onto the bed. It’s—well, fucking hot. He knows Buck’s ripped (his muscles caught Eddie’s attention in the beginning after all) but the strength is definitely a turn on. “Wow.”

Buck’s smiling, but it’s bashful, pink tinging his cheeks and the top of his ears. “I just wanted you on the bed.”

“So now you have me,” Eddie says, finding his words. He doesn’t think he’s ever going to be comfortable enough to talk dirty, but this he can do. “Are you going to fuck me?”

It’s Buck’s turn to groan, dropping his head to Eddie’s shoulder. He turns, mouth brushing Eddie’s ear. That’s more erotic than Eddie’s expecting and he lets out a shaky breath. He can feel his briefs getting wet, his dick aching and he hitches his hips, rolling them up against Buck’s thigh. Buck grinds down; Eddie’s not sure he can actually last. He’s going to come in his pants and then he’ll never be able to show his face to Buck again. 

“It’s okay,” Buck says, pulling back. His fingers rest against Eddie’s face, thumbs rubbing the apple of his cheek. “Come whenever you want.”

Eddie hates that he’s so obvious; he turns his head into Buck’s bicep, which actually doesn’t help _at all_. Buck’s hand’s move down his shoulders, along his sides—and Eddie squirms at the ticklish sensation on his bare skin—and down to Eddie’s hips. His hold is tight, and Eddie can only stare up at him, thighs quivering as he tries to keep still. 

“Come on,” Buck coaxes, adjusting Eddie’s hips until oh—fuck, Eddie’s dick feels so good in the groove of Buck’s hip and yeah, he can just— “That’s it.”

Losing himself in the roll of his hips, the way he’s clutching at Buck’s shoulders, Eddie closes his eyes, head thrown back into the sheets and he groans, body shaking with need as he chases the feeling of pleasure racing up his spine, toes curling against Buck’s calves. “Buck.”

“Eddie,” Buck says, voice barely above a whisper. He kisses Eddie’s shoulder, whispers something else that Eddie doesn’t hear, because there’s a roaring in his ears, body shuddering through his orgasm. His dick pulses in his jeans, warm and sticky against his skin. 

“Sorry,” Eddie mutters, opening his eyes slowly. Buck doesn’t look irritated; he’s smiling and dips down to press a soft kiss to Eddie’s mouth. “Let me—”

Buck raises his eyebrows. “I’m not done with you yet, Eddie.”

Eddie frowns. “Buck, I just—”

“You think,” Buck starts, leaning down, kissing Eddie’s jaw, hand moving to the zipper of Eddie’s jeans, “we’re just exchanging handjobs?”

Eddie shifts away from him, dick sensitive after he’s come, and Buck pauses. 

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Eddie says immediately. “Buck—” 

Buck’s gentle with his touches, slides Eddie’s jeans down over his hips, mindful of his softening dick, and the wet spot on his briefs. Eddie feels his face heat with shame, but Buck’s expression is as soft and open as it’s been the whole time. “It’s gonna feel weird,” he says. 

“What is,” Eddie starts, and then Buck’s got a hand around his cock. Eddie grunts, tries to shift away. “Buck, please—” 

“I’ll stop if you want,” Buck says, hand going still and Eddie opens his mouth to say that’s exactly what he wants, but the words won’t come. There’s—he doesn’t know how to explain it. He wants to keep going, wants to feel more, but it’s overwhelming. 

“I don’t know,” Eddie manages to get out. 

Buck lets go of his dick, hands sliding up the mattress either side of Eddie as he leans in. “It’ll start to feel good again soon,” he promises, teeth grazing the line of Eddie’s neck. Eddie stretches out, gives Buck the access he’s looking for, his own hands in Buck’s hair. It’s soft beneath his fingers and Eddie can’t stop pawing at it, legs falling open as Buck settles closer against him, mouth moving slowly down Eddie’s collarbone. Buck’s sucking bruises into the skin; Eddie can already feel them throbbing, or maybe that’s just his mind playing tricks because he’s hyper aware of them. 

“Do you have,” Buck asks.

“There,” Eddie says, gesturing at the bedside cabinet. Buck raises an eyebrow and Eddie rolls his eyes. “What? I haven’t had sex in a while, but I have a perfectly good hand.”

An expression crosses Buck’s face that’s gone before Eddie can figure it out. Eddie opens his mouth to ask what’s up when he feels Buck’s hand back on his cock, stroking slowly. Eddie chokes, still too close to sensitive, but he thrusts into the curve of Buck’s fingers. It’s like being caught between two sensations; one he doesn’t want, one he does, except he wants them both. Fuck, Eddie doesn’t even know what he means but—oh, oh fuck. 

Closing his eyes, Eddie fists his hands into the sheets and tries not to float away. Everything is just—so much. Digging his heels into the mattress, he gives up trying to get Buck’s hand off his dick because it’s starting to feel good again, a point at the base of his spine that feels like it’s building and he just wants. 

“You ever finger yourself,” Buck asks, like it’s a question Eddie gets asked a lot. 

“No,” Eddie chokes out, keeping his eyes closed. 

Buck’s thumb brushes the skin under his eye. “Don’t hide from me, Eddie.”

“M’not,” Eddie mumbles, slowly meeting Buck’s gaze. He can feel the heat in his face, the way he tries to curl away but Buck’s not letting him. He leans down, kisses Eddie’s nose, his cheek. 

“It’s gonna feel so good, Eddie,” he says. 

Eddie already feels good. His body still feels like a live wire; one Buck’s trying to ground, but he just keeps sparking off instead. The analogy gets lost somewhere, about the same time Buck’s thumb rubs the soft skin behind Eddie’s balls. “What—”

Buck’s watching him. There’s a weight to his gaze that Eddie always wants to wilt beneath, like he’s not enough. He is, he knows, otherwise Buck wouldn’t stay, wouldn’t drag his thumb lower, teasing the skin, then taking Eddie’s balls in his hand. 

“I can’t,” Eddie whispers. 

“If you don’t want to, we’ll stop.”

Eddie closes his eyes, breathes out through his nose. “No, I—”

Buck’s fingers trail lightly over his skin, making Eddie shiver, and then Buck’s thumb is pressing to the rim of his asshole, rubbing back and forth. Eddie can’t feel his legs, can’t feel anything except the touch of Buck’s fingers, the hot kisses Buck’s pressing against the back of his thigh. 

Something wet and cold slides between his ass cheeks and Eddie instinctively thrusts against the bed, hands clenching into fists as his dick gets unexpected friction. “Buck,” he says, “Buck, I, please, Buck, please.”

“Eddie.” Buck keeps saying his name like that; reverent. “It’s gonna feel weird.”

Buck’s not wrong; Eddie immediately wants it to stop. He opens his mouth to say as much when Buck draws back. He slides back in, just the tip of his finger. Eddie blows out his breath, turning to rest his cheek against his arm. He can see the side of Buck’s face if he looks round enough; the look in Buck’s eyes, the redness of his lips, everything about him. Eddie doesn’t mind discomfort if it gets him—

“Oh,” he says, as Buck’s finger slides into the knuckle. It’s—Eddie doesn’t know what it is, except that when Buck pulls back, he wants it again. “Please.”

Buck laughs, breath ghosting across Eddie’s back and he shivers. 

Buck keeps telling him to breathe; through one finger, two, the press of a third.

Eddie wants to tell him to go fuck himself, but then everything he’s going through will be for nothing. Not that he’s actually getting anything. 

As if to remind him that he is, in fact, getting something, Buck’s fingers slide deep, crooking gently and ooooh, fuck, Eddie melts against the mattress, twitching. 

Buck’s reaction to anything involving Eddie’s prostate still makes Eddie’s dick leak, the puddle beneath his right hip is getting disgusting. Eddie’s stopped caring. About his wet hip, not Buck’s reaction. Buck’s eyes, the noise, the whispered, “oh,” like Eddie’s sensitivity was a shock—a welcome one. It’s not welcome to Eddie; he doesn’t want this to keep going. He wants to come. 

“Buck,” he says, as Buck rubs the pads of his fingers gently against the gland and Eddie’s toes curl. “It’s good, please, but I want—”

Eddie doesn’t know what makes him say it; Buck’s still constantly asking what he wants, what he needs, but Eddie’s tired. He wants to come—again—thought he would have already, but it’s not quite enough. 

“Your dick,” he says eventually, the words foreign but that doesn’t make him mean them less. “Fuck me with your dick.” 

Eddie clenches his fists when Buck slides his fingers slowly backward, finger catching on the rim. He holds it there, holds Eddie open. It feels obscene, something Eddie’s never done—like a lot of things tonight—but the thought of Buck seeing him like that; his hips roll down and Eddie thinks if he thrusts just so, he can come—

Buck tugs him up by the hips and Eddie sobs, turns his face into Buck’s neck when Buck settles him on his lap. His hand reaches down to trail through the mess Eddie’s made of his stomach. Eddie’s dick is thick and red, painful with how badly he wants to come, and when Buck’s fingers wrap loosely around it, he fucks up into Buck’s fist, hoping for something. 

Why won’t Buck just let him come?

“Because you’re beautiful like this, Eddie,” Buck whispers, awed. Eddie’s finding it hard to believe he was ever worried Buck would find him too boring. 

Eddie drops his chin to his chest, tangles his fingers in Buck’s and brings their joined hands up to his mouth, ghosting a soft kiss against Buck’s knuckles. “I can be beautiful when I come, too.”

It should be ridiculous—it sounds as much—but Buck bites at the base of Eddie’s neck, where it meets his spine, and Eddie arches into it, feels Buck’s dick against his ass. He wants it, grinds down, and Buck’s free hand goes to his hip, grip tight. “Fuck.”

“M’trying,” Eddie bites out. 

“Fine,” Buck mutters, “fuck, fine.”

Eddie checks out for a moment; Buck shifts his hips, the tearing of a packet, but Eddie’s still trying to breathe through everything. He’s so close, still, and when he looks, there’s a pearly white drop sliding from the tip of his dick. He watches it; aches for the rest to follow. He wants, he wants, he _wants_.

“Alright,” Buck says, guiding Eddie back. “This is gonna be—”

“Just do it,” Eddie bites out. 

Then, because he can’t handle the press of Buck’s dick, the slow, torturous slide of it;

“Wait.”

Eddie breathes because fuck, it’s a lot. He feels - full, consumed, and he turns his face into Buck’s neck, buries his face against Buck’s skin. Buck runs a hand through Eddie’s hair, stills his hips. “It’s so much.”

“I know,” Buck says, kissing his temple. “Let me know when I can move.”

Eddie’s not sure he ever wants that. “I can’t.”

Buck pulls back. His hair is slick with sweat, eyes dark; and he ducks back in, kisses Eddie, tugging Eddie’s bottom lip between his teeth. “You’ve bared your soul, rebuilt your life from the ground up, you can take my dick.”

Eddie laughs, startled, and drops his head against Buck’s shoulder. “Fuck off.”

Grinning, Buck shifts his hips and fuck, fuck, Eddie paws at Buck’s thighs, lets out quick breaths. “I’ve got you, baby.”

The baby shocks Eddie and he melts, feels the word down to his bones. He stares at Buck in surprise, not realizing that Buck’s thrust all the way in until he’s shifting his hips and fuc, Eddie can _feel_ him. “Baby?”

“Yeah,” Buck says, unashamed. “You feel so good.”

Eddie says, “move,” because he thinks he’s got this. 

When Buck pulls back, painfully slowly, Eddie wonders if he does have this. The angle is weird and he wants to ask if Buck will move them, if he can be on his back and then—Buck moves, arm clenching against Eddie’s stomach and pulling him back while he hitches his hips. Oh, that’s so fucking _deep_. 

“I can feel you,” Eddie whispers, mouth grazing Buck’s jaw. “Fuck, you’re so—”

“Eddie,” Buck whispers, like a benediction. 

“I can’t, Buck.” Eddie sobs Buck’s name. “It’s been so long—”

Eddie clenches because he can’t help it and the noise Buck makes threatens to make Eddie come without a hand. He jerks, ass sliding down and Buck tightens his hold, whispers something Eddie can’t make out. Buck’s hand lowers, as if he’s trying to give Eddie what he wants, but then he pushes forward; Eddie slides forward when Buck presses him down and Buck fucks in with his hips and he’s _there—_

Buck comes with a bruising grip on Eddie’s hip, Eddie’s name groaned out between noises Eddie thinks he could learn to love. He’s so caught up in the feeling rolling down his spine, on the way Buck’s whispering words into Eddie’s ear that he can’t focus on, that his own orgasm catches him by surprise, has him shuddering through his second in only—

Half an hour? 

There’s a long moment before Buck shifts, and Eddie blinks, looks back over his shoulder. “Buck.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck says, dropping his head to Eddie’s shoulder. 

“All that build up,” Eddie says, unable to keep the smile from his face. This is something he already knows about himself; an orgasm leaves him light. Smiles come easier and he’s tactile, something he demonstrates by squirming until he can roll onto his front, drag Buck up for a kiss. Buck’s cheeks are pink when Eddie pulls back to look and he grins, strokes a thumb against the skin just under Buck’s eye. “Does that even count as a fucking? I think I’m still a virgin.”

Buck opens his mouth, looking offended.

Eddie can’t help it; he laughs, loud in the quiet of the room, but before he can feel self-conscious, Buck’s face opens into a surprised smile. “What?”

“You,” Buck says, fingers trailing lightly up Eddie’s sides. Eddie squirms, bats his hands away. “Oh, see, not so nice when it’s you, huh?”

“You kept me on edge for a week,” Eddie says, deliberately exaggerating. He rests a hand on the back of Buck’s neck, tugs him down for a kiss. Open-mouthed, more tongue than lips, and Buck’s teeth grazing his bottom lip. Eddie’s not gonna get hard again, hopefully, and he stills Buck’s hips when they hitch downward. “Nope.”

“Oh, I thought you wanted me to fuck you longer.”

Eddie snorts, laughing again as he presses a kiss to Buck’s neck, closes his eyes when he feels Buck’s hands in his hair. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, settles into this space they have. Buck eventually rolls them over again, gentle as he does, and Eddie feels his chest constrict. He’s _cared for_ , here, with Buck. He doesn’t yet know how to deal with it, but he will. Eddie settles against Buck’s chest, feels the ghost of a kiss against his hair, and he lets the tension bleed from his body. 

“So you did want to fuck me.”

Buck laughs, loud and bright, and tightens his hold. “Shut up, Eddie.”

**Author's Note:**

> join me on [tumblr](http://thisissirius.tumblr.com) where i throw vermont stuff out randomly. plus other shit.


End file.
